Welcome to the wonderful world of Singledom.

Guess who has a date tonight.

It’s just drinks. He and I have only been talking for a few days.

It’s just drinks.

This is fun. This is easy. There’s no reason to be nervous.

…so why am I? Ha.

Adventures in Online Dating

Tonight, I decided to throw myself back into the OKC world.

Why? Because I was bored. And feeling a little cocky confident.

I messaged a few guys, responded to a few, and then had one guy respond back to me saying “I hope this isn’t too forward, but you really ARE fucking amazing” and then asked me for my phone number.

Well, I have nothing to lose at this juncture in my life, so I gave it to him.

First text: “Seriously, will you marry me? Lol”

Needless to say, that whole “cocky” thing might be working out in my favor today. Haha

Random Monday morning thought

Last night, as I left the bar and reveled in the fact that I had just been asked by a goodlooking, interesting, funny guy for my number, I started playing the “don’t get your hopes up” game.

As I start to date more (sometimes I feel like a serial dater and I hateeee that), I’m noticing that putting yourself out there is kinda like putting your resume into the job world.

What’s that statistic that they use? You should assume for every 100 resumes you send out, you’ll land one interview - or something crazy like that. HOLY FUCK, one percent?!

Maybe it’s because my resume is banging, but I’ve never (knock on wood) had that experience in my work life.

Unfortunately, my dating life has reflected crazy statistics like that. “For every ten guys that ask for your number, one will call.” Yea, let’s go with that.

The fact of the matter is, whether he calls or not, it doesn’t hurt to try. To be interested. To put yourself out there. And for once, I’m not going to sit here holding my breath waiting to see his name pop up. I’m just going to be excited if it (or when) it does.

“Everything happens for a reason,” and other cliches I don’t fucking care to hear.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be married - to have that soul mate sort of relationship with someone. I never really cared much about being a mom (although that’s changing as I grow up, ugh), but getting married… man, I couldn’t/can’t wait.

  I suppose that’s interesting, considering the fact that my parents are divorced. My dad has been married twice, and engaged 3x (the last one fell apart. If you ask him why, he’ll say because of moi - that’s a fun story, I swear). My mom has been married twice, but is currently super unhappy in her marriage. Needless to say, not necessarily shining examples of what a healthy romantic relationship should be coming from either “role model,” and I say that without intentionally trying to be rude or brash.

Maybe part of me wants to find my “the one” because I want desperately to believe that that person exists. That my parents’ examples of marriage were ones of “here’s what NOT to do: a lesson in learning from my mistakes.” Maybe I’m just really really into proving people wrong.

Or maybe it’s that I know real love - the kind that takes your breath away, and makes nothing else matter - has to be real, deep down. Have I experienced it? We’re going to go with a “no” for simplicity’s sake. But I’ve seen people that have and do. And I can’t believe that we don’t all get the opportunity to have that, you know?

Unfortunately, because my mind is usually pretty one track (…since that’s the only thing in life that I’ve ever really wanted - and the one thing in life I feel is the most intangible currently), I find myself taking the “active” route of dating. What does this mean, exactly? I put myself out there. A lot. I allow myself to get hurt because I have to have faith that one day, allowing myself to open up will result in someone’s acceptance of all the good, bad & ugly things about me.

It also opens up tons of cliches (usually along with unsolicited advice) that are ridiculous and just cause me to roll my eyes when things don’t work out.

Of those, here are the most annoying:

• A watched pot never boils.  (If you say this to me, I might tell you to go fuck yourself.)
• It’s his loss. (As much as that may be true, at the time, I’m usually in ‘I must’ve fucked everything up’ mode - and this just doesn’t help. At all.)
• You deserve so much more. (You’re right. I do. I know I do. But in the mean time, I feel like I deserve SOMETHINGGGGGG, and sometimes, bad decisions are fun. And lessons are learned and blahblahblah.)
• (This one is my favorite) - It’ll happen when you least expect it. (SERIOUSLY - fuck off. This makes no sense whatsoever. It’s like the cliche of “you find your keys in the place you’d look for them” - well yea, idiot, do you know why? because when you find them, you stop looking! My brain doesn’t work this way, and neither does my heart.)

I know a lot of my issue is that I have control problems. I like being in control. The idea of being some damsel in distress, just waiting for Prince Charming to come save the day is a really difficult one for me to grasp, and yet, here I am, hoping that one day some guy will come in & show me why it didn’t work out with the other ones (lol, there’s another cliche, aren’t you loving it?).

Unfortunately, that day isn’t today.

And I’m going to hazard a guess (I’d put $5 on it, actually - if you’re a betting man) that tomorrow isn’t either. God, I sound bitter.

Woooops.

Single.

Hi.

I’m a 24 year old gal (not a girl, not yet a woman - right B. Spears?), and I’m single.

Most days, it’s not a big deal because I have a job (I’m a borderline workaholic) and friends and another Tumblr - I mean, I have a life, haha. And I’m not always bothered by the fact that my friends are all getting married, or coupling up and heading down the serious relationship aisle.

And then some days, it sucks. You feel like a leper. When I talk to my grandma, she doesn’t ask how my job is or what hobbies I’ve picked up lately - she asks about any men in my life. I’ve even stopped mentioning guys that I’m interested in and/or seeing to my mom, because I know as soon as I do, it’s like a death wish on whateverthatmaybe-butnotarelationship. Hell, my facebook relationship status is HIDDEN because it’s such bullshit having to change it from “single” to “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship” BACK to “single” - knowing full well that it shows up on countless amounts of people’s newsfeeds as soon as you hit “save changes.” And also, why isn’t there a “dating” option?

The past few months, I’ve dated quite a bit. More than I ever have in my life before. We’ll go ahead and chock it up to several factors, since there’s no constant and therefore everything is a variable. I’ve lost a bit of weight (this will probably be mentioned multiple times) and my self esteem is SOARING compared to what it has been…uh, my entire life (read: nonexistent to ‘I’m just really good at lying and seeming confident’.)

The problem then becomes taking things past the dating stage. Or even the “let’s get to know each other” stage. And sometimes, it sucks. Sometimes, I’m the bad guy who decides that a 31 year old man that doesn’t wear deodorant doesn’t deserve my time anymore. And sometimes, I let 90% of my walls down for a guy who seems super great, just for him to disappear completely, like I made him up in my head the whole time.

I think I wanted to make this blog because relationships take up a lot of my thinking time, and sometimes you need somewhere to vent or gush or laugh. So, well, here we go.

Welcome to the wonderful world of singledom. Let’s hope it’s a fun ride.